Embracing 30.

I have never been someone who loves getting older. I love that being young excuses mistakes and allows you the freedom to be a little more goofy and silly... also, there is always a tag line for young people that 'You have plenty of time...'. The last couple of years I have become all too familiar that time is short. It goes by quickly and you better take advantage of it. Whether it is time with family and friend, time enjoying your job, taking a chance to do something... you should do it no matter the age. Of course, I say this within reason and lets be honest- if you know me you know that I am no risk taker. No matter how much I valued time or tried to make it count, I still thought being 30 seemed a long way off. Don't get me wrong, I am not disillusioned into thinking that being 30 means I need to get a walker and I can start eating off the senior citizen's menu; it isn't that at all. I get that it is only another year. 30 just seemed like the age where I had to really 'grow up'. It also seemed like the age that would come only when I had made extreme and significant accomplishments. I couldn't tell you what I thought those accomplishments would be, I just know that I thought they would be there. In anticipation of the day I have been going through boxes, picture albums etc. in order to remincise (well, the original goal was to clean but I got side tracked). 30 years has created quite the collection of belongings that ranges from too many CD's (lucky kids and their digital music), a box of beanie babies (I know, with tag protectors and all), hundreds (yes, hundreds) of t-shirts that represent the years of high school, college, Starbucks and now my teaching career (I DESPERATELY need to mak a quilt, sweet memories/keepsakes of my mom, and pictures/ticket stubs/trinkets that represent various events. I don't know whether they are accomplishments, but it did feel like a lot of tokens that were respresentations of many things to be thankful for (I would list these but there are too many to count...) However thankful I was and still am, I have spent the past few months dreading turning 30, feeling like something was leaving me or passing me by. My students began to use it to their advantage commenting on the impending doom of 3-0 to make me just a little crazy. I would even ask people not to talk about it as if it were not happening. But tonight as I sat and watched my amazing brother and sis with my two perfect nephews, laughed and talked with my inspiring cousin and her happy son, thought about my parents who have done countless things for me for so long (even when I didn't deserve it), thought about my sister who always makes me laugh and reassures who I am, considered the many friends I have both old and new who make me laugh and listen to me whine, smiled as I thought about the friends that have become my family who I cherish each day, remembered the many family members who aren't close in proximity but still love me unconditionally, and reminded myself about all of the students and their families who make me stronger and give me purpose... I thought that the last 30 didn't seem so bad. I wish I could take back some things I said, worked harder at some other things, saved a little more, worried a little less, kept in better contact with some and let go of others sooner. I also wish that my mom could be here. But, I wouldn't change the many laughs, the cries that were needed, MY incredible family, the superb friends and a job that I love and drives who I am each day. I guess if the next 30 have of these treasures... I will be okay. The clock just turned midnight and the wonder of technology means that I have already received Facebook updates and text messages (two students were competing to be the first official birthday wishers) so I will say this. Thank you to everyone who has helped and guided me, made me laugh or listened to me cry. Here is to 30 more years of blessings and lessons, to not taking things for granted, and to continuing to be a little goofy (no matter how old I get). Either way, I hope the t-shirts are still good and that beanie babies come back in style. With a refreshed faith and hope, Karen

Dedication to El Chief (from Tumblr February 2012)

I wrote this post when I first opened a tumblr in January. Tumblr and I don't really get along... I just don't think I am hip enough for Tumblr. Oh well... I really only started a Tumblr to follow El Chief on his amazing journey this semester. I only knew him for a short time but he is truly a student who had and still has an amazing impact on my life. I am so grateful that we were able to keep in touch over the last 5 months. Wednesday, he finally returns and I can't wait to hear his stories and have some laughs. Welcome Home El Chief, you were truly missed: In a moment of teaching weakness I showed “The Freedom Writers Diary”. I added a pretty epic journal entry and even got the kids to discuss how they would break down walls. I immediately thought of El Chief. El Chief is a student of mine, well was a student of mine and is now off exploring the world. Today, I logged onto Tumblr and read his post and was immediately struck by something he said. He stated , “Despite the simplicity of the concept of “giving people a chance”, I believe that people, of all ages and walks of life, are still inherently quick to judge and tend to segregate themselves, which is a shame.” Well Chief… I guess my response would be- you are right. We do all judge. Confession: I judged you. I didn’t know you at first- I just knew what people had told me. But I told myself that we all need chances to give the true version of ourselves. And, I am sure that you judged me. Thats the beauty of our now friendship… It started somewhere we never thought it would. Some of the greatest treasures of life come when you least expect it. One of the wonders of my job is that I often learn just as much as I teach. Also, that when I get to help kids make sense of their world- mine makes more sense. Over the past 6 yeas of teaching I have met some of the most incredible people. People who have profoundly inspired and changed me. El Chief- you top that list… And here is why. Lesson #1: it is not how long someone is in your life, it is the time spent and the lessons learned. Lesson #2: you should never judge a book (or person) by the reviews of others. Lesson #3: teenagers are some of the bravest people in existence. Lesson #4: I am truly blessed … And can always use a reminder. Lesson #5: expand you circle, get to know people, and understand that there is good in ALL kinds of people Lesson #6: teaching is just as much about relationships as academics. Lesson #7: have some fun… So thanks, el chief. Continue to inspire, challenge, create and move. Faith. Wolflamb

Letters...

Sometime ago, probably a few years, my grandmother told me that she still exchanged handwritten letters with her sister. I thought this was such a wonderful tradition they had, although in this time and with the technology that I am addicted to, it isn't really something that I would probably start. However, a small gesture now and then,can be truly powerful. My dear friend Damasa and I exchange a journal back and forth. Although it sometimes takes months until we can get it into eachother's hands- receving it feels like Christmas because I get to be part of my friends life who I love and miss so dearly. This is also what I love the most about blogs, Facebook, Twitter... even though it uses the avenue of technology, it means that I get to be part of people's lives and we get to share moments. I love this. There are all kinds of letters... formal and informal, to inform or thank. A few years back, a dear mentor of mine helped me to create a senior writing project. In this project I would have students end high school English by reflecting on their experiences using different modes of writing. They would write autobiographies for themseleves at 30, graduation speeches, lessons and most importantly, letters. I require my seniors to write a letter to a teacher or school personnel that positively influenced them at some point. Students write letters to elementary school teachers, coaches, administrators, counselors and to current teachers. This is also the only portion of the writing project that I make them share with the person they are writing to. I like to force them to communicate gratitiude...something that some of us often forget when we get wrapped up in our busy lives. But something that is more impactful then they will ever know. I send them off at the end of every year with a profound satisfcation because I know when they open those letters, they will be changed. They will realize that their goals of being a teacher (to change a life, to inspire) are real in those letters. What I never imagined is that some students would write letters to me. I mean, I knew some would I guess but I never encouraged it. Every year, it is also a surprise who writes the letters to me. There are students that I think I might get one from and others I never imagine receiving one from; no matter the author they are always unique and insightful. This year the letters were particularly special... here are some recaps: Letter 1 came from a student who thanked me for holding him accountable and yet never losing faith. Letter 2 came from a student who thanked me for my contributions to DHS. Letter 3 came from a student who thanks me for bringing them out of their shell and supporting them in everything they did. Letter 4 described someone who feels that their path changed for the better when they met me. Letter 5 told me they were appreciative that they could always be their crazy selves in my room. A few more thanked me for our bonds over basketball. Another eliquently reminded me why I became a teacher. Each letter holds a special place in my heart and hit on many different bonds that I have with so many wonderful people. But two letters in particular inspired me to write this blog. One wasn't even the assignment for class. It came from a young person who at the beginning of the year had made up their mind to dislike me. Not for any other reason except that I was entirely too much school spirit for them and they were sure that most teachers didn't care about them. Over different events and days in class he became a true blessing. He taught me so much about honesty, tolerance, individuality. His letter came in the form of a card, not even to be turned in and it made me realize that you find special things when you least expect it. But when you think of the unexpected, nothing is more unexpected then the letter I finally read just the other day. This letter is from a student I have 'known' but knew little about for the past few years. They are crazily reserved and skeptical of those around them and some might even say they can be negative. I may have thought the same thing if they didn't let me into their world. They quickly and permanently became someone who I found incredible strength in. They taught me about working hard, holding on, developing faith and trust, about being there for others... They are truly one of the greatest gifts of my teaching career. The best part of their letter is that they stated how I inspired... which is exactly how I feel about them. This sounds like an egotistical blog to rant about how wonderful I am and how these kids think so too... it isn't. It is proof that just a letter can do so many things. It can brighten someon's day, inspire someone's heart and drive someone's smile. It can change their path for the better and inspire them, even in the darkest hours, to keep going. It doesn't have to be a teacher; it can be a friend or relative or anything in between. It doesn't matter if it is hand written, over Facebook.. even a reminder text. But seriously... what are you waiting for? Go write a letter. With faith, hope & love, Karen

Do you remember, the month of September?

I hardly do. It went so fast that I can hardly believe October is already here! But honestly, September was a great month. I am so happy to be back at school. Even though there are stresses here and there, I am loving all of my classes.
The recap of the month:
(oops, this was actually August but you get it)

My Dad, Vicky, and Jessica went to Sacramento for a 'The Real World is Back' pre- relaxation trip. We got to eat at my parents favorite restaurant, Dawson's, and hang out for a day. Jessica and I even spotted a mural from one of Ryan's favorite artists. Made me realize how much I miss Ryan, Lorelei, and Jase when they aren't with us. I was also very lucky to have my dear Rose watch Ralphy.

Speaking of my dear Rose: After months of waiting she finally left. Last year there were a group of students who had a truly remarkable impact on my life. They saved me when I was in the worst year I had ever experienced. We grew so close and as they all left- I still had Rose here. Man I am going to miss her. We did have a lovely evening of homemade soup before she left. Yum.... This is just more proof of how amazing life is and how sometimes, for whatever reason, people are put into your world who make you stronger and better. Each one of these kids holds a special place in my heart. Especially my Matilda.

Even with the carrots :)

I don't know if I have mentioned lately what an amazing nephew I have but if I haven't, let me state for the record : JASE IS AMAZING! He is adorable, kind, talented, intelligent, funny, a little sarcastic, and when he says 'I love you Auntie Kenen' my heart melts. I got to babysit him a few times close together and in the end, the crying until Mom and Dad got home was over and we would laugh and play. On September 19, 2011 he turned 3. We had so much fun at his birthday party! I just can't believe his is 3 and how proud I am to be his Aunt. Also, how proud I am of what amazing parents Lorelei and Ryan are- man he is one lucky kid.



Last but certainly not least, one of my dearest and oldest friends called me to tell me that she was expecting a little one. I am so excited for Rick and Damasa and their future 'Miller Lite'. Another lucky kid to have two such amazing parents.

I hope this blog entry finds everyone feeling blessed and loved. If you aren't, try and find something positive to think about. Your attitude does truly shape your outlook. That is one lesson I have learned over the last month.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude". - Maya Angelou

Hope and Faith,

~Karen

Just thinking about some things...

Forgive me if this seems scattered and random. Sitting here at work on a Saturday and avoiding actual work for a moment I decide to update my new classroom website and tweet some homework reminders and a quote to my amazing student leaders. As I was sending out the quote I thought how the quote meant something to me:


Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha

I wondered why it was we couldn't just believe others, or history, or how some rumors and gossip become more truth than actual history is believed as fact. I also wondered about character and how hard it seems sometimes for even the best of people to do the right thing.

There are so many blessings in this life. My wonderful family and friends. My amazing job that, while sometimes stresses me out and tests my faith and patience, proves that there could be a much brighter future for us. More than that there are lessons and ways to 'live up to' what we should. There are time when patience is tried and while at the time it seems doomsday- it opens itself up to be something that you learn from and makes you better.

Maybe it is that we can't tell people about character and how important it is. They can't see it from history or tradition but instead they have to experience it for themselves. My hope is that as we all continue to mess up that we learn from out mistakes. More than that I hope we accept them, our role in them, and instead of blaming others, we figure out how to better ourselves from the lessons provided. Also, remember that we are not what we promise or tell or think, we are what we DO- our actions speak louder than words. It is when we live up to our potential that we truly shine.

Even days today when my faith is tested- I am going to continue to believe that those in my life will learn from things and continue to shine and make the world a better place. It is never too late...I am speaking from experience.

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day. ~Abraham Lincoln


- Lamb

Once in a while...

Okay, to say I have been bad about posting regularly would be a colossal understatement. I have so much respect for those that post often. I think my problem is I want every post to be beyond profound and maybe I should just focus on communicating when I can- no matter the length of the post.

I am just finishing up with day 2 of the new school year and I must say that I am excited. First, I am much more prepared and organized than I have ever been. I feel more confident in my teaching. Also, I have made all kinds of important technology upgrades that, if I can stay on top of them, will be so helpful.

The last and most important reason that I am excited is because I made it over 'the hump'. Last year wasn't a great year. It was one of those pity me years and a year where I felt I never caught a break. If it wasn't losing my mom it was breaking a tooth, having vet bills, being frustrated at work, being disappointed by people I cherished, and having to fix the car. There were many times where I thought this was my new life. Maybe the worst part was that I felt different. I felt negative and it seemed as if there was a test going on somewhere that I was not only not passing but failing miserably. I just didn't feel like me.

Now, I am still getting over the events of last year and to say that some of those things weren't daily thoughts would be a lie. However, I am learning to be different again. Learning from what I have been through this year and trying to truly embrace the phrase 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Trying to take control, have a positive attitude, and above all remember that this too shall pass and I have many things and people to be thankful for in my life.

As usual, I love to find quotes to sum up how I feel. Here is the one that I love right now:

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

It is just a bonus that it is by one of my favorite authors of all time.

So, happy new year to those in the education world and happy September to the rest.

Hope to talk to you before June! :)

faith and hope,

Karen

The most wonderful time of the year?

I know it sounds immediately pessimistic to start out with posting that as a question but deciding whether this is the most wonderful time of the year is still not possible because my feelings change every second. But here is what make me think that the question mark should be changed to an exclamation point: 
1. If you haven't heard the story of my new iPhone yet...here it is:

If you know me, you know I have wanted a new iPhone 4G since their first release but have patiently put it off because a) I really wanted the white one and b) I live on a teacher's salary and vet bills were high. I loved my previous old and worn iPhone but I really wanted the upgrade. The last day of school before break, right before my whole leadership class got busy implementing our month's work on the 2010 Talent Show:"Oh the places you'll go, Oh the talent you'll see" I wanted to give them their gift. It was cheesy- a poem I had written about all of them and how blessed I was to be their teacher and how much they positively impacted our school. I read the poem, got a little teary eyed and got ready to send them into action when I was stopped and told they had a gift for me. I insisted it wasn't necessary but a few got up to watch closer. As I opened the thick envelope I got nervous- this is in fact the same group of kids who have duct taped me to my chair, tp'ed my house, and like to jump out and scare me from time to time, so I kind of expect shenanigans from them. I opened the card, did a glance and thanked them. They said to read it. I did what adults do in situations where they don't want to get all choked up over a silly card so I told them I would read it later...they insisted. I read it and what I saw at the end shocked me. It said" This card is for an iPhone! Merry Christmas! We love you!" I looked up confused and they handed me an iPhone box and inside was a gift card for the exact amount of a new phone. I was floored, I immediately cried, and then a group hug manifested in my room and the only recreation would be something off of a cheesy high school musical re-enactment. It is not just this gift (which is something I REALLY wanted) but it is that these kids... all 35 of them, came together to do something for me just because they wanted to. I quickly learned that one students had set a plan in motion. He had talked to my best friends who are teachers at the school, talked with my co-teacher to make sure it was okay, and worked with other students to get the whole thing taken care of. I have to admit that the rest of the day really was amazing. 

The week had started that way. 3 days prior a student wanted to give me a 'Christmas Card' and suddenly I was the owner of a baby tree. Complete with lights, decorations, and cranberry garland. What she didn't know is that the tree was just what I needed to brighten my home. I don't normally decorate for Christmas... it just isn't something I usually do. But this year I was seriously searching for something to brighten my season.


What I can tell you is that I have an amazing family and friends. I am blessed to be in a profession that means that I learn just as much if not more than I teach. I can also tell you that I am so grateful for everyone and everything I have. After all that it seems like the exclamation point is guaranteed. 




Then there is this other side of the holiday season. The part where everything reminds me of my mom. I haven't really written anything about her and don't really want to start... but I will say this. This time of year reminds me of how no matter what the current situation I was guaranteed time with her. It was a time when my brother and I came together with the hopes that we could end the year right. It also meant a time where I would continually hope things would get better. 'It's a Wonderful Life' was on TV last night and I got immediate images of her, Paul McCartney plays on SNL and I think of her, and I begin to think that I am never going to have a Christmas with her again and I am wrecked...because there is no wishing for things to get better. 


I think this year I will get through the holidays trying to focus on the good things life has to offer.  


with faith, 


Karen