Do you remember, the month of September?

I hardly do. It went so fast that I can hardly believe October is already here! But honestly, September was a great month. I am so happy to be back at school. Even though there are stresses here and there, I am loving all of my classes.
The recap of the month:
(oops, this was actually August but you get it)

My Dad, Vicky, and Jessica went to Sacramento for a 'The Real World is Back' pre- relaxation trip. We got to eat at my parents favorite restaurant, Dawson's, and hang out for a day. Jessica and I even spotted a mural from one of Ryan's favorite artists. Made me realize how much I miss Ryan, Lorelei, and Jase when they aren't with us. I was also very lucky to have my dear Rose watch Ralphy.

Speaking of my dear Rose: After months of waiting she finally left. Last year there were a group of students who had a truly remarkable impact on my life. They saved me when I was in the worst year I had ever experienced. We grew so close and as they all left- I still had Rose here. Man I am going to miss her. We did have a lovely evening of homemade soup before she left. Yum.... This is just more proof of how amazing life is and how sometimes, for whatever reason, people are put into your world who make you stronger and better. Each one of these kids holds a special place in my heart. Especially my Matilda.

Even with the carrots :)

I don't know if I have mentioned lately what an amazing nephew I have but if I haven't, let me state for the record : JASE IS AMAZING! He is adorable, kind, talented, intelligent, funny, a little sarcastic, and when he says 'I love you Auntie Kenen' my heart melts. I got to babysit him a few times close together and in the end, the crying until Mom and Dad got home was over and we would laugh and play. On September 19, 2011 he turned 3. We had so much fun at his birthday party! I just can't believe his is 3 and how proud I am to be his Aunt. Also, how proud I am of what amazing parents Lorelei and Ryan are- man he is one lucky kid.



Last but certainly not least, one of my dearest and oldest friends called me to tell me that she was expecting a little one. I am so excited for Rick and Damasa and their future 'Miller Lite'. Another lucky kid to have two such amazing parents.

I hope this blog entry finds everyone feeling blessed and loved. If you aren't, try and find something positive to think about. Your attitude does truly shape your outlook. That is one lesson I have learned over the last month.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude". - Maya Angelou

Hope and Faith,

~Karen

Just thinking about some things...

Forgive me if this seems scattered and random. Sitting here at work on a Saturday and avoiding actual work for a moment I decide to update my new classroom website and tweet some homework reminders and a quote to my amazing student leaders. As I was sending out the quote I thought how the quote meant something to me:


Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha

I wondered why it was we couldn't just believe others, or history, or how some rumors and gossip become more truth than actual history is believed as fact. I also wondered about character and how hard it seems sometimes for even the best of people to do the right thing.

There are so many blessings in this life. My wonderful family and friends. My amazing job that, while sometimes stresses me out and tests my faith and patience, proves that there could be a much brighter future for us. More than that there are lessons and ways to 'live up to' what we should. There are time when patience is tried and while at the time it seems doomsday- it opens itself up to be something that you learn from and makes you better.

Maybe it is that we can't tell people about character and how important it is. They can't see it from history or tradition but instead they have to experience it for themselves. My hope is that as we all continue to mess up that we learn from out mistakes. More than that I hope we accept them, our role in them, and instead of blaming others, we figure out how to better ourselves from the lessons provided. Also, remember that we are not what we promise or tell or think, we are what we DO- our actions speak louder than words. It is when we live up to our potential that we truly shine.

Even days today when my faith is tested- I am going to continue to believe that those in my life will learn from things and continue to shine and make the world a better place. It is never too late...I am speaking from experience.

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day. ~Abraham Lincoln


- Lamb

Once in a while...

Okay, to say I have been bad about posting regularly would be a colossal understatement. I have so much respect for those that post often. I think my problem is I want every post to be beyond profound and maybe I should just focus on communicating when I can- no matter the length of the post.

I am just finishing up with day 2 of the new school year and I must say that I am excited. First, I am much more prepared and organized than I have ever been. I feel more confident in my teaching. Also, I have made all kinds of important technology upgrades that, if I can stay on top of them, will be so helpful.

The last and most important reason that I am excited is because I made it over 'the hump'. Last year wasn't a great year. It was one of those pity me years and a year where I felt I never caught a break. If it wasn't losing my mom it was breaking a tooth, having vet bills, being frustrated at work, being disappointed by people I cherished, and having to fix the car. There were many times where I thought this was my new life. Maybe the worst part was that I felt different. I felt negative and it seemed as if there was a test going on somewhere that I was not only not passing but failing miserably. I just didn't feel like me.

Now, I am still getting over the events of last year and to say that some of those things weren't daily thoughts would be a lie. However, I am learning to be different again. Learning from what I have been through this year and trying to truly embrace the phrase 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Trying to take control, have a positive attitude, and above all remember that this too shall pass and I have many things and people to be thankful for in my life.

As usual, I love to find quotes to sum up how I feel. Here is the one that I love right now:

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

It is just a bonus that it is by one of my favorite authors of all time.

So, happy new year to those in the education world and happy September to the rest.

Hope to talk to you before June! :)

faith and hope,

Karen

The most wonderful time of the year?

I know it sounds immediately pessimistic to start out with posting that as a question but deciding whether this is the most wonderful time of the year is still not possible because my feelings change every second. But here is what make me think that the question mark should be changed to an exclamation point: 
1. If you haven't heard the story of my new iPhone yet...here it is:

If you know me, you know I have wanted a new iPhone 4G since their first release but have patiently put it off because a) I really wanted the white one and b) I live on a teacher's salary and vet bills were high. I loved my previous old and worn iPhone but I really wanted the upgrade. The last day of school before break, right before my whole leadership class got busy implementing our month's work on the 2010 Talent Show:"Oh the places you'll go, Oh the talent you'll see" I wanted to give them their gift. It was cheesy- a poem I had written about all of them and how blessed I was to be their teacher and how much they positively impacted our school. I read the poem, got a little teary eyed and got ready to send them into action when I was stopped and told they had a gift for me. I insisted it wasn't necessary but a few got up to watch closer. As I opened the thick envelope I got nervous- this is in fact the same group of kids who have duct taped me to my chair, tp'ed my house, and like to jump out and scare me from time to time, so I kind of expect shenanigans from them. I opened the card, did a glance and thanked them. They said to read it. I did what adults do in situations where they don't want to get all choked up over a silly card so I told them I would read it later...they insisted. I read it and what I saw at the end shocked me. It said" This card is for an iPhone! Merry Christmas! We love you!" I looked up confused and they handed me an iPhone box and inside was a gift card for the exact amount of a new phone. I was floored, I immediately cried, and then a group hug manifested in my room and the only recreation would be something off of a cheesy high school musical re-enactment. It is not just this gift (which is something I REALLY wanted) but it is that these kids... all 35 of them, came together to do something for me just because they wanted to. I quickly learned that one students had set a plan in motion. He had talked to my best friends who are teachers at the school, talked with my co-teacher to make sure it was okay, and worked with other students to get the whole thing taken care of. I have to admit that the rest of the day really was amazing. 

The week had started that way. 3 days prior a student wanted to give me a 'Christmas Card' and suddenly I was the owner of a baby tree. Complete with lights, decorations, and cranberry garland. What she didn't know is that the tree was just what I needed to brighten my home. I don't normally decorate for Christmas... it just isn't something I usually do. But this year I was seriously searching for something to brighten my season.


What I can tell you is that I have an amazing family and friends. I am blessed to be in a profession that means that I learn just as much if not more than I teach. I can also tell you that I am so grateful for everyone and everything I have. After all that it seems like the exclamation point is guaranteed. 




Then there is this other side of the holiday season. The part where everything reminds me of my mom. I haven't really written anything about her and don't really want to start... but I will say this. This time of year reminds me of how no matter what the current situation I was guaranteed time with her. It was a time when my brother and I came together with the hopes that we could end the year right. It also meant a time where I would continually hope things would get better. 'It's a Wonderful Life' was on TV last night and I got immediate images of her, Paul McCartney plays on SNL and I think of her, and I begin to think that I am never going to have a Christmas with her again and I am wrecked...because there is no wishing for things to get better. 


I think this year I will get through the holidays trying to focus on the good things life has to offer.  


with faith, 


Karen

Keep your head up....

I haven't written in in a long time... and this doesn't truly count. But it is a good message... especially for me.

http://www.vevo.com/video-evolved/andy-grammer/keep-your-head

28 down.

It has been exactly 6 months since the last time I blogged. January 7, 2010 was a day for me to reflect on the year that had passed. I reflected on all that had made it great, the things that did not and made the grand promises of blogging constantly, staying positive, and being happy. Well like most resolutions that happen either in a new year or other reasons, those really didn't pan out. I was happy, when I didn't let the little shit get me down. I was positive when I didn't let the little shit get me down. Oh, and I just didn't blog. I sat down to write blogs and I even have 10 or so really good starts...but alas, no blog. 


This morning I woke up and I finally thought I might have something that I could finish. I might be in a place to hold the promises I make true to myself in this all to embarrassing online diatribe I have started. I was wrong. I sat down, giggled a little at the thought and then went on as if the blog was going to be something that I thought I would do but it didn't work. Maybe one of the biggest reasons that my blogs never leave the editing stage lately is that they are either too personal and I don't want to put that out in cyber world or (and probably more likely) they don't seem good enough. I am never happy enough with my writing, so like so many other things in my life I gave up the writing in order not to be disappointed. 


It has been exactly 6 months. Some things have changed, others have stayed the same. Listing them won't make them better or different...but I think I have learned a lot in the last 6 months. I have learned that some people are snakes, some people are good friends, some people can be cruel, some people are amazing. I have learned that my job gives me opportunities some only dream possible and that it is a huge blessing to work with and teach the people I teach...but that going home frustrated some days is just something I will have to accept- nothing is perfect. I have learned that for as mature as I think I am sometimes I have a lot of growing up to do. I have learned that even though some people are physically still here you might have already lost them. I have learned that there are times when it is right to stand on your own to feet and other times that there is nothing wrong with sticking beside your friends and family. 
Most important, I have learned that I am who I am. I must stop apologizing. I am awkward and emotional and sensitive. I am smart and funny and have a slight case of OCD. I don't have everything figured out even though I pretend I do, i don't always know what I am doing even though I pretend I do, I am not always right even though I wish I was. But, my true friends and family know all of this and love me anyway. Maybe that is the biggest lesson of all- true friends and true family don't care what you know, who you know, what you look like, what you have- they just want you to be you. 


It has been 6 months since I last wrote. I might finally be ready to grow up, because I can't keep waiting for someone to do it for me. Because on this day, 6 months later, I am turning 28. I might not have all I want- but I have enough. I will keep trying to figure out the rest. I will screw up- there is no doubt about that. I won't always say the right thing, I won't always do the right thing- but I will try and I have realized that will have to be enough. 


I guess my one birthday wish would be that all of those who look past all of my crazed idiosyncrasies, crazy emotional days, sometimes forgetful nature wrapped in an obsessive compulsive bow and just support me. Who knows why you do it. I am sure it is exhausting at times....but it isn't unappreciated or unnoticed. 


Recently I was reading a book (if you have read it this will sound familiar) in the hopes to find some inspiration I have been lacking. In this book the author writes a letter to God asking for his/her help dealing with a current conflict. Her friend that she let read the letter says, "I would sign that". In the hopes to inspire her friend they continue to name the people that would support her and sign her letter as if it were a petition. it was an act to give her permission to have hope and faith and remind herself that even in the darkest times there are people behind you. I loved this idea....except I wanted to add my new twist. Instead of writing God (especially because I don't know where I am with that and not sure I have the right to write to something I am not fully invested in). Instead I will write this: 


Dear World:


I am Karen. I am a constant work in progress. I love and hate, rejoice and scream. I am awkward and comfortable, still trying to figure out exactly who I am. I can be dramatic and sensitive but I am loyal and supportive. I make jokes at inappropriate times and cry for no reason at all. I lack confidence, but for the first time am not scared to say I was Teacher of the Year. I work too much, and too hard sometimes and then other times I procrastinate and I am lazy. I make promises I can't keep, I keep promises I probably shouldn't. I try, really hard to be a good person, and sometimes I fail. I talk loud, laugh hard, and love to say 'that's what she said'. I alphabetize, color coordinate and can't keep my car clean. I am an educator, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a citizen, and a crazy person (just ask my students). Did I mention I have a one-eyed dog named Ralphy? I am who I am. 


Would you sign? 




28 down, many more to go. 


Karen

Responsibility...

Over the last week I have met many situations that deal with responsibility. Who truly holds responsibility for our actions? Recently, someone told me in regards to someone blaming someone else for their problems...how amazing it must be if to have so much control over someone that you make them do destructive things. More than that, how much power can someone have over another person to continue to do destructive things? 

Not to say that I am perfect, because there have been times in my life that I have blamed something I didn't like about my life on someone else. BUT, I have never let it go for more than a short time until I have to take things into my own hands. I will say that there are a couple people in my life that I continually give emotional control over me that I don't want to give them and I struggle everyday to take back. In the end, I do try and be the one who takes responsibility for all the consequences both good and bad in my life. When a bill isn't paid, I didn't pay it; when the house isn't clean, I didn't clean it; when I have done something good or bad- I know that I did it. 

I want my students to know the same thing. That their grades, their life, their destination is completely in their hands. They can spend a lifetime blaming people for their life and making excuses about their circumstances, but it will never get them anywhere but where they are - plus some additional bitter resentment. 

Also, when you do make that "error in judgment", and life hands you the bad consequences that you deep down knew were coming - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Don't blame it on others and make good people (or even bad as the case may be) bear the burden. Apologize, go through the steps to rectify what you have done, and most importantly learn from it. Never blame others because you did something you know was wrong, you know you aren't proud of, and that you regret because of the consequences you currently face. 

Responsibility is key to realizing that your own happiness lies within your reach- go take it. 

Faith and Hope, 

Karen