So much good to see...

I will start this blog as I do so many others... By recognizing how bad I am about posting. I always have very grand plans on how I will blog- but then life happens and a year goes by. I think about it often but it just rarely pans out. I will say that while writing may not have been done on this blog, I have been an avid letter writer to two of my favorite people on missions and have been trying to be a better communicator in general- even if it is just a momentary text to recognize someone and how much they mean to me. So, overall I guess, who cares... I will write when I can.
This blog has been looming the last week, well maybe the last month. The New Year always has me feeling reflective. When I read a blog from a former student yesterday, it got me thinking about putting some recent thoughts down. These thoughts center around people, especially the people of my beloved Carson Valley. This, combined with my current obsession with the effect of our attitude and how we choose to see things, led me to this current reflection.
People who aren't from here or choose not to take it in don't really get it, but the valley is a magical place. Not perfect, because there are definitely times you need to get away and times when you need something new, but this place truly feels like what a home should feel like. It is full of comfort and familiarity, history and depth, amazing people from way back and new wonders who arrive a little later. It is the little things... the highly annoying yet wonderful way that you can't walk through Raley's without seeing someone you know. How truly wonderful it is that a whole community comes out for a basketball or softball game. How our paper has more news that includes spelling bee's and food drives more than crime; and then how a local newspaper genius can start his own online magazine about our small town to highlight all its wonders. There are more little things that I can count but more than anything, I love that I believe, no I know, that some of the best people in the world live here. Some may judge the small town life, but really before you begin to do that you should know that so many people would rock your soul if you let them. (and yes, not EVERYONE is amazing... but stop focusing on the negative). There is my cooky, crazy and wonderful family who complete my life. We are constantly dysfunctional which I believe is the key to our charm. I have the best friends in the world, some from here since birth  and some who migrated here for various reasons. No matter the journey they took to get here they are all fun, smart, loving people who make me laugh, have massive amounts of integrity, have passion and dedication for all those around them, are in one word: amazing.  All these people teach me more about true friendship, loyalty and love than I could possibly imagine. More than just my immediate people, I get a first hand look at the gems of this valley by teaching at DHS each day. First it is teachers who are so funny and supportive. They, each in their own way, dedicate their lives to kids and inspire them to do amazing things. Next it is the many people I have met who have opened their homes to me and made me part of their families. Then there are the kids... the magical and hilarious and wonderful kids who make my job, well, not so much of a job. They make mistakes and pick themselves back up. They might complain but try and trust in adults that something they say might be right. They work hard and then get a little lazy. But they possess kindness, integrity, compassion, and intelligence... each and every one of them.

And after reading all that sap you might be saying "But there are bad people, lazy people, scared people"... sure there are, there are lots of bad things. There are losses, fights, tears, pains, illnesses and more. So, join me in choosing to focus on all that the world has to offer and all the amazing people it has to offer you. Negativity is an easier path. No room for real growth, tons of excuses, and constant pain that is apparent and never catches you off guard. I have been there, I have immersed
myself in it. However, I am choosing to see the magic. Choosing to be thankful and see all the potential, all the good.

Just another sappy way that I reflect on how blessed I am. Here is to making the goal of seeing the good and avoiding the negative. I will try if you will...


Karen

For the sake of old times...

It is 2013. Traditionally on this holiday people sing 'Auld Lang Syne'. 'Auld Lang Syne' is a Scottish poem that when translated means 'for the sake of old times'. Some have even said you could use 'In the days of auld lang syne' as the equivalent for 'once upon a time'. So, I thought I would use that here.
Both for me are an encouragement to look upon the past, both good and bad, and take something from it. 2012 included turning 30, graduating some of the most remarkable people in the world, traveling with my dear Katie, and becoming an auntie 5 times. It came with funerals, regrets, and some arguments.
Most of all it came with a lot of thinking. Thinking about the past, the future, my job, my family, my heart, my education, my friends and family, and most of all my faith.
So when it came time to set goals, it came from lots of thoughts:

1. Be healthier. Love myself enough to change habits and embrace life.

2. Write more. I love it, and don't care if no one reads it or cares... it is something I want to do more.

3. Read and learn more. Pick a next step and embrace it and make time to read- even when there are many papers to grade.

4. Be a good friend. One who remembers birthdays and makes more plans.

5. Be a better teacher. Be more innovative and resourceful. Reach more kids and make a difference.

6. Be better to my family. Make sure they know that despite all the crap, we are family and we can make it through anything.

7. Appreciate what I have, not dwell on what I don't. Enough said.

8. Smile more, laugh more and don't sweat the small stuff.

9. Make a t-shirt quilt, organize my photos, and go through my moms things.

10. Keep exploring faith. I don't know exactly what that entails but I will keep trying to figure it out.

I want to look back a year from now and think that I was better than I was before. Not perfect, just a little better.

If you are reading this, I hope you take time to reflect, to make goals, and to smile. Odds are also good that if you are reading this, I love and appreciate you very much.

Take a cup of kindness yet,


Karen

A thank you to teachers...

This blog, as with many others, started with a small gift. That gift came in the form of an essay from a former student. In it he said things about me that I am not sure were true, but I was touched to think that he thought so highly of me. In true Karen fashion, I cried for about an hour, thanked him profusely and began to think about the role of a teacher. While my grandma was a teacher (and someone I never actually had the pleasure of meeting), teaching is not really what you would say is in my blood,. Aside from myself and few other recent family members, I don't come from a long line of educators. I am not sure why I always wanted to be a teacher; I just know that since 6th grade, no other job seemed like a real possibility. Even though there were days that I was sure I could be an undercover agent for the CIA, I quickly realized in my late teens that I scare too easy and I probably can't keep secrets all THAT well. With all that being said, I can only imagine that the reason that I am a teacher is because of the amazing people who taught me. I thought this would be a nice time to reflect on those people.

I was never an amazing student. I didn't overwhelm myself with AP classes or study many dedicated hours. School came pretty easily to me and I did what I had to do to do well but not excellent. Even with this history, my perspective is much like a fairy tale. When I watch movies and even listen to others, I have seen examples of those 'horrible teachers'. The 'Ms, Trunchbull' or 'Sue Sylvester' like figures who threw kids out windows and supported bullying. For me, those figures seemed to be made up because I was lucky enough to never experience those. My teachers were much better represented by Ms. Honey, Mr. Turner or Mr. Schuester (if you know these references, you know what I mean). Sure there were some that weren't my favorite and some that I didn't understand what they were doing or I giggled at little idiosyncrasies but overall I was always really happy with my teachers. However, there were some teachers that left lifelong impacts. 

The first would have to be my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Carr.  He was a man that made school fun. While I learned many great lessons and his work was challenging, being in his classroom was just easy. All the students got along and had a mutual respect for each other but more than that we all wanted to be there. It was also inspiring how he seemed to truly enjoy his job each and every day. I didn't know that there were people who had a profession that made them so happy and for so long. I also loved how much he cared for every one of his students. That year posed some tough moments in my childhood and no matter the issue he was always there to be supportive. Over the next 6 years, I continued to be very thankful for the educators who were part of my life.  There was an art teacher, Ms. Yost, who helped me find my inner artist which I was sure didn't exist and let me hang out after school just cause I wanted to. There was a math teacher, Mrs. Tyndall, who made every class seem exciting and who brought me out of the previous year where I didn't do so well in advanced math. She forced me to achieve my potential and always did it with a smile on her face. There was also the history teacher, Mr. Monfiletto, who always held me accountable, required me to be a better person and when my junior year ended with a car crash, he showed me empathy in a way no one else did. He proved that you could hold a standard and still have. compassion. There was my psychology teacher, Mr. Gosselin, who made things seem interesting me, inspired me to work harder and go for excellence. There was my freshman English teacher, Ms. Heine, who inspired me to read my first difficult book..a book that is a favorite to this day.

There were many others; they ranged from all subjects and all personalities. Their one common trait was that they loved their job, they tried to teach me to be excellent and they cared about the person I was and whatever I was going through. What a special gift they were to me both on good days and bad. I didn't have to be the best student, best athlete, best leader; they all cared about me just the same. To turn these relationships into even more of a blessing, some of them are now my closest friends. That psychology teacher and I have breakfast once a week to discuss the world and laugh about life. That art teacher is a gift at so many lunch periods, and that math teacher still believes in my abilities and gifts to this day. That history teacher has seen me through some of my darkest hours and that English teacher laughs with me and helps me create some of the best lessons I have ever taught. I get to spend every day at work with some of the most incredible people. What I have also discovered that teachers are not only good for students but they are good for friends. Teachers have intelligence and compassion. They are witty, charming and sometimes extremely odd.  Some of those finer educators are my chosen family; I really couldn't have it any other way.

Some would read this and roll their eyes. Sure there are good teachers, but there are surely bad ones as well. Yes, true. There are bad and good of everything: lawyers, doctors, politicians, Starbucks workers, sanitation workers. In a time of the world where education is more criticized than ever before and tests, standards and evaluations are on everyone's mind it is hard to see the light. I want to offer some anecdote of positivity. You don't have to agree with it, believe it...most will never read it. That anecdote is that the world is filled with many talented and dedicated teachers. From my friend who helps tutor kids in Germany, to my friend and cousin in So.Cal, to my friends in Vegas, to some of my best friends and mentors in the world here in Minden: they all are working hard to create the same memories for kids that I have had in my past. I challenge you to NOT have one of these memories. I bet you can remember some teacher who made you better if even in the slightest way. Most would probably hav a story of threir Ms. Honey, Mr. Turner, or Mr. Schuester. 

So I will decicate this blog to all the teachers who have helped me throughout the past years, both as teachers and friends. Also, to that special ex-student, now my dear friend, who genuinely has faith in me no matter what. Thanks for reminding me why I became a teacher and reminding me of those inspired me along the way and still do.

Thankful,

Karen

Pleasantly Exhausted...

Last Saturday I saw an old friend who, other than on social media, I have not seen in a while. She is one of my maybe 3 readers and always a constant supporter of this crazy blog. She has  passion, love and understanding for the life of a high school teacher. She always makes me feel less crazy and misunderstood whether I read her blogs or she leaves comments on mine. She also encouraged me that night to write more and I was inspired. I sat down every night this week to write a blog discussing my first week of school and the weeks leading up to it, but exhaustion kept me from completing this. So here it is Sunday after week one and I am finally making good on my promise. So I dedicate this blog to Erica S. Thanks for being a mentor, guide, friend and encouraging me to do something that makes me feel so wonderful (even if a nap seems, at the time, more appealing).

When I wrote the title of this blog "Pleasantly Exhausted" I wondered if anyone would truly knew what that meant. There is a certain difficulty to having 2 1/2 months off of work where you freely move about your life only to jump back into waking up early (and having to actually do something other than drink coffee), talking and standing all day, going to school events and the return of grading. Most might assume that this is not a happy transition. While difficult, for me there is a certain relief that comes from being back at school and returning to the routine. I miss my co-workers my students and the feeling of accomplishing something important. 

While August isn't my favorite month since the combination of adjusting to school, saying goodbye to my favorite students who move on to a new chapter and establishing routines and relationships with new students and classes can be difficult, it also is the beginning of creating a new and wonderful school year. I have already been blessed with really great classes, new lunch traditions with friends, fun Friday night football and so much more. Already had some great laughs, read some great writing, engaged in great class discussion and become painfully aware that I like the word great. 

There were many other highlights of the week that weren't just in the classroom. One came from a visit from the beautiful Andrews twins after school (Grace really helped me look over some first day on demand essays). Another was an evening where instead of staying late at work I picked up my truly incredible nephew Jase to run errands and I was reminded about what was truly important in life; even just from simple visits to Target & PetCo. The last was the past grads who visited each day. There wasn't a day that passed when someone didn't visit and although they can be distracting and prevent me from making my prep super productive, I couldn't ask for a better gift. There isn't anything better than having people who don't have to be at school that week, come anyway because they miss you and the wonderful place they were for 3 years. 

This week, along with the summer that I had, was clear reminder of how truly blessed I am. I know that it sounds cheesy and some might be rolling their eyes at me ranting about this small town, my wonderful friends and family and a job that I  cherish so much- but it couldn't be more true. I could focus on all the things that don't go right, the people I don't have, the things I can't figure out... and trust me sometimes I do. But now that I am in my thirties I will spend more time cherishing sweet moments with Jase where he tells me he loves me, 3 hour convos with my favorite Carr where we laugh and gossip, lunches with my best friends, classes where I can make a difference, calls from previous students who need advice, letters from previous students in navy training, baby Mattie's first football game, Lamb/Andrews night and so much more. Overall, just trying to be more positive and realize that there is a pleasant feeling in being exhausted because the alternative boredom where there is no one isn't anything I would like to experience.  

Hoping that my 'pleasant exhaustion' isn't too confusing...

With love, 

Karen

Embracing 30.

I have never been someone who loves getting older. I love that being young excuses mistakes and allows you the freedom to be a little more goofy and silly... also, there is always a tag line for young people that 'You have plenty of time...'. The last couple of years I have become all too familiar that time is short. It goes by quickly and you better take advantage of it. Whether it is time with family and friend, time enjoying your job, taking a chance to do something... you should do it no matter the age. Of course, I say this within reason and lets be honest- if you know me you know that I am no risk taker. No matter how much I valued time or tried to make it count, I still thought being 30 seemed a long way off. Don't get me wrong, I am not disillusioned into thinking that being 30 means I need to get a walker and I can start eating off the senior citizen's menu; it isn't that at all. I get that it is only another year. 30 just seemed like the age where I had to really 'grow up'. It also seemed like the age that would come only when I had made extreme and significant accomplishments. I couldn't tell you what I thought those accomplishments would be, I just know that I thought they would be there. In anticipation of the day I have been going through boxes, picture albums etc. in order to remincise (well, the original goal was to clean but I got side tracked). 30 years has created quite the collection of belongings that ranges from too many CD's (lucky kids and their digital music), a box of beanie babies (I know, with tag protectors and all), hundreds (yes, hundreds) of t-shirts that represent the years of high school, college, Starbucks and now my teaching career (I DESPERATELY need to mak a quilt, sweet memories/keepsakes of my mom, and pictures/ticket stubs/trinkets that represent various events. I don't know whether they are accomplishments, but it did feel like a lot of tokens that were respresentations of many things to be thankful for (I would list these but there are too many to count...) However thankful I was and still am, I have spent the past few months dreading turning 30, feeling like something was leaving me or passing me by. My students began to use it to their advantage commenting on the impending doom of 3-0 to make me just a little crazy. I would even ask people not to talk about it as if it were not happening. But tonight as I sat and watched my amazing brother and sis with my two perfect nephews, laughed and talked with my inspiring cousin and her happy son, thought about my parents who have done countless things for me for so long (even when I didn't deserve it), thought about my sister who always makes me laugh and reassures who I am, considered the many friends I have both old and new who make me laugh and listen to me whine, smiled as I thought about the friends that have become my family who I cherish each day, remembered the many family members who aren't close in proximity but still love me unconditionally, and reminded myself about all of the students and their families who make me stronger and give me purpose... I thought that the last 30 didn't seem so bad. I wish I could take back some things I said, worked harder at some other things, saved a little more, worried a little less, kept in better contact with some and let go of others sooner. I also wish that my mom could be here. But, I wouldn't change the many laughs, the cries that were needed, MY incredible family, the superb friends and a job that I love and drives who I am each day. I guess if the next 30 have of these treasures... I will be okay. The clock just turned midnight and the wonder of technology means that I have already received Facebook updates and text messages (two students were competing to be the first official birthday wishers) so I will say this. Thank you to everyone who has helped and guided me, made me laugh or listened to me cry. Here is to 30 more years of blessings and lessons, to not taking things for granted, and to continuing to be a little goofy (no matter how old I get). Either way, I hope the t-shirts are still good and that beanie babies come back in style. With a refreshed faith and hope, Karen

Dedication to El Chief (from Tumblr February 2012)

I wrote this post when I first opened a tumblr in January. Tumblr and I don't really get along... I just don't think I am hip enough for Tumblr. Oh well... I really only started a Tumblr to follow El Chief on his amazing journey this semester. I only knew him for a short time but he is truly a student who had and still has an amazing impact on my life. I am so grateful that we were able to keep in touch over the last 5 months. Wednesday, he finally returns and I can't wait to hear his stories and have some laughs. Welcome Home El Chief, you were truly missed: In a moment of teaching weakness I showed “The Freedom Writers Diary”. I added a pretty epic journal entry and even got the kids to discuss how they would break down walls. I immediately thought of El Chief. El Chief is a student of mine, well was a student of mine and is now off exploring the world. Today, I logged onto Tumblr and read his post and was immediately struck by something he said. He stated , “Despite the simplicity of the concept of “giving people a chance”, I believe that people, of all ages and walks of life, are still inherently quick to judge and tend to segregate themselves, which is a shame.” Well Chief… I guess my response would be- you are right. We do all judge. Confession: I judged you. I didn’t know you at first- I just knew what people had told me. But I told myself that we all need chances to give the true version of ourselves. And, I am sure that you judged me. Thats the beauty of our now friendship… It started somewhere we never thought it would. Some of the greatest treasures of life come when you least expect it. One of the wonders of my job is that I often learn just as much as I teach. Also, that when I get to help kids make sense of their world- mine makes more sense. Over the past 6 yeas of teaching I have met some of the most incredible people. People who have profoundly inspired and changed me. El Chief- you top that list… And here is why. Lesson #1: it is not how long someone is in your life, it is the time spent and the lessons learned. Lesson #2: you should never judge a book (or person) by the reviews of others. Lesson #3: teenagers are some of the bravest people in existence. Lesson #4: I am truly blessed … And can always use a reminder. Lesson #5: expand you circle, get to know people, and understand that there is good in ALL kinds of people Lesson #6: teaching is just as much about relationships as academics. Lesson #7: have some fun… So thanks, el chief. Continue to inspire, challenge, create and move. Faith. Wolflamb

Letters...

Sometime ago, probably a few years, my grandmother told me that she still exchanged handwritten letters with her sister. I thought this was such a wonderful tradition they had, although in this time and with the technology that I am addicted to, it isn't really something that I would probably start. However, a small gesture now and then,can be truly powerful. My dear friend Damasa and I exchange a journal back and forth. Although it sometimes takes months until we can get it into eachother's hands- receving it feels like Christmas because I get to be part of my friends life who I love and miss so dearly. This is also what I love the most about blogs, Facebook, Twitter... even though it uses the avenue of technology, it means that I get to be part of people's lives and we get to share moments. I love this. There are all kinds of letters... formal and informal, to inform or thank. A few years back, a dear mentor of mine helped me to create a senior writing project. In this project I would have students end high school English by reflecting on their experiences using different modes of writing. They would write autobiographies for themseleves at 30, graduation speeches, lessons and most importantly, letters. I require my seniors to write a letter to a teacher or school personnel that positively influenced them at some point. Students write letters to elementary school teachers, coaches, administrators, counselors and to current teachers. This is also the only portion of the writing project that I make them share with the person they are writing to. I like to force them to communicate gratitiude...something that some of us often forget when we get wrapped up in our busy lives. But something that is more impactful then they will ever know. I send them off at the end of every year with a profound satisfcation because I know when they open those letters, they will be changed. They will realize that their goals of being a teacher (to change a life, to inspire) are real in those letters. What I never imagined is that some students would write letters to me. I mean, I knew some would I guess but I never encouraged it. Every year, it is also a surprise who writes the letters to me. There are students that I think I might get one from and others I never imagine receiving one from; no matter the author they are always unique and insightful. This year the letters were particularly special... here are some recaps: Letter 1 came from a student who thanked me for holding him accountable and yet never losing faith. Letter 2 came from a student who thanked me for my contributions to DHS. Letter 3 came from a student who thanks me for bringing them out of their shell and supporting them in everything they did. Letter 4 described someone who feels that their path changed for the better when they met me. Letter 5 told me they were appreciative that they could always be their crazy selves in my room. A few more thanked me for our bonds over basketball. Another eliquently reminded me why I became a teacher. Each letter holds a special place in my heart and hit on many different bonds that I have with so many wonderful people. But two letters in particular inspired me to write this blog. One wasn't even the assignment for class. It came from a young person who at the beginning of the year had made up their mind to dislike me. Not for any other reason except that I was entirely too much school spirit for them and they were sure that most teachers didn't care about them. Over different events and days in class he became a true blessing. He taught me so much about honesty, tolerance, individuality. His letter came in the form of a card, not even to be turned in and it made me realize that you find special things when you least expect it. But when you think of the unexpected, nothing is more unexpected then the letter I finally read just the other day. This letter is from a student I have 'known' but knew little about for the past few years. They are crazily reserved and skeptical of those around them and some might even say they can be negative. I may have thought the same thing if they didn't let me into their world. They quickly and permanently became someone who I found incredible strength in. They taught me about working hard, holding on, developing faith and trust, about being there for others... They are truly one of the greatest gifts of my teaching career. The best part of their letter is that they stated how I inspired... which is exactly how I feel about them. This sounds like an egotistical blog to rant about how wonderful I am and how these kids think so too... it isn't. It is proof that just a letter can do so many things. It can brighten someon's day, inspire someone's heart and drive someone's smile. It can change their path for the better and inspire them, even in the darkest hours, to keep going. It doesn't have to be a teacher; it can be a friend or relative or anything in between. It doesn't matter if it is hand written, over Facebook.. even a reminder text. But seriously... what are you waiting for? Go write a letter. With faith, hope & love, Karen

Do you remember, the month of September?

I hardly do. It went so fast that I can hardly believe October is already here! But honestly, September was a great month. I am so happy to be back at school. Even though there are stresses here and there, I am loving all of my classes.
The recap of the month:
(oops, this was actually August but you get it)

My Dad, Vicky, and Jessica went to Sacramento for a 'The Real World is Back' pre- relaxation trip. We got to eat at my parents favorite restaurant, Dawson's, and hang out for a day. Jessica and I even spotted a mural from one of Ryan's favorite artists. Made me realize how much I miss Ryan, Lorelei, and Jase when they aren't with us. I was also very lucky to have my dear Rose watch Ralphy.

Speaking of my dear Rose: After months of waiting she finally left. Last year there were a group of students who had a truly remarkable impact on my life. They saved me when I was in the worst year I had ever experienced. We grew so close and as they all left- I still had Rose here. Man I am going to miss her. We did have a lovely evening of homemade soup before she left. Yum.... This is just more proof of how amazing life is and how sometimes, for whatever reason, people are put into your world who make you stronger and better. Each one of these kids holds a special place in my heart. Especially my Matilda.

Even with the carrots :)

I don't know if I have mentioned lately what an amazing nephew I have but if I haven't, let me state for the record : JASE IS AMAZING! He is adorable, kind, talented, intelligent, funny, a little sarcastic, and when he says 'I love you Auntie Kenen' my heart melts. I got to babysit him a few times close together and in the end, the crying until Mom and Dad got home was over and we would laugh and play. On September 19, 2011 he turned 3. We had so much fun at his birthday party! I just can't believe his is 3 and how proud I am to be his Aunt. Also, how proud I am of what amazing parents Lorelei and Ryan are- man he is one lucky kid.



Last but certainly not least, one of my dearest and oldest friends called me to tell me that she was expecting a little one. I am so excited for Rick and Damasa and their future 'Miller Lite'. Another lucky kid to have two such amazing parents.

I hope this blog entry finds everyone feeling blessed and loved. If you aren't, try and find something positive to think about. Your attitude does truly shape your outlook. That is one lesson I have learned over the last month.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude". - Maya Angelou

Hope and Faith,

~Karen

Just thinking about some things...

Forgive me if this seems scattered and random. Sitting here at work on a Saturday and avoiding actual work for a moment I decide to update my new classroom website and tweet some homework reminders and a quote to my amazing student leaders. As I was sending out the quote I thought how the quote meant something to me:


Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha

I wondered why it was we couldn't just believe others, or history, or how some rumors and gossip become more truth than actual history is believed as fact. I also wondered about character and how hard it seems sometimes for even the best of people to do the right thing.

There are so many blessings in this life. My wonderful family and friends. My amazing job that, while sometimes stresses me out and tests my faith and patience, proves that there could be a much brighter future for us. More than that there are lessons and ways to 'live up to' what we should. There are time when patience is tried and while at the time it seems doomsday- it opens itself up to be something that you learn from and makes you better.

Maybe it is that we can't tell people about character and how important it is. They can't see it from history or tradition but instead they have to experience it for themselves. My hope is that as we all continue to mess up that we learn from out mistakes. More than that I hope we accept them, our role in them, and instead of blaming others, we figure out how to better ourselves from the lessons provided. Also, remember that we are not what we promise or tell or think, we are what we DO- our actions speak louder than words. It is when we live up to our potential that we truly shine.

Even days today when my faith is tested- I am going to continue to believe that those in my life will learn from things and continue to shine and make the world a better place. It is never too late...I am speaking from experience.

I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day. ~Abraham Lincoln


- Lamb

Once in a while...

Okay, to say I have been bad about posting regularly would be a colossal understatement. I have so much respect for those that post often. I think my problem is I want every post to be beyond profound and maybe I should just focus on communicating when I can- no matter the length of the post.

I am just finishing up with day 2 of the new school year and I must say that I am excited. First, I am much more prepared and organized than I have ever been. I feel more confident in my teaching. Also, I have made all kinds of important technology upgrades that, if I can stay on top of them, will be so helpful.

The last and most important reason that I am excited is because I made it over 'the hump'. Last year wasn't a great year. It was one of those pity me years and a year where I felt I never caught a break. If it wasn't losing my mom it was breaking a tooth, having vet bills, being frustrated at work, being disappointed by people I cherished, and having to fix the car. There were many times where I thought this was my new life. Maybe the worst part was that I felt different. I felt negative and it seemed as if there was a test going on somewhere that I was not only not passing but failing miserably. I just didn't feel like me.

Now, I am still getting over the events of last year and to say that some of those things weren't daily thoughts would be a lie. However, I am learning to be different again. Learning from what I have been through this year and trying to truly embrace the phrase 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Trying to take control, have a positive attitude, and above all remember that this too shall pass and I have many things and people to be thankful for in my life.

As usual, I love to find quotes to sum up how I feel. Here is the one that I love right now:

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

It is just a bonus that it is by one of my favorite authors of all time.

So, happy new year to those in the education world and happy September to the rest.

Hope to talk to you before June! :)

faith and hope,

Karen

The most wonderful time of the year?

I know it sounds immediately pessimistic to start out with posting that as a question but deciding whether this is the most wonderful time of the year is still not possible because my feelings change every second. But here is what make me think that the question mark should be changed to an exclamation point: 
1. If you haven't heard the story of my new iPhone yet...here it is:

If you know me, you know I have wanted a new iPhone 4G since their first release but have patiently put it off because a) I really wanted the white one and b) I live on a teacher's salary and vet bills were high. I loved my previous old and worn iPhone but I really wanted the upgrade. The last day of school before break, right before my whole leadership class got busy implementing our month's work on the 2010 Talent Show:"Oh the places you'll go, Oh the talent you'll see" I wanted to give them their gift. It was cheesy- a poem I had written about all of them and how blessed I was to be their teacher and how much they positively impacted our school. I read the poem, got a little teary eyed and got ready to send them into action when I was stopped and told they had a gift for me. I insisted it wasn't necessary but a few got up to watch closer. As I opened the thick envelope I got nervous- this is in fact the same group of kids who have duct taped me to my chair, tp'ed my house, and like to jump out and scare me from time to time, so I kind of expect shenanigans from them. I opened the card, did a glance and thanked them. They said to read it. I did what adults do in situations where they don't want to get all choked up over a silly card so I told them I would read it later...they insisted. I read it and what I saw at the end shocked me. It said" This card is for an iPhone! Merry Christmas! We love you!" I looked up confused and they handed me an iPhone box and inside was a gift card for the exact amount of a new phone. I was floored, I immediately cried, and then a group hug manifested in my room and the only recreation would be something off of a cheesy high school musical re-enactment. It is not just this gift (which is something I REALLY wanted) but it is that these kids... all 35 of them, came together to do something for me just because they wanted to. I quickly learned that one students had set a plan in motion. He had talked to my best friends who are teachers at the school, talked with my co-teacher to make sure it was okay, and worked with other students to get the whole thing taken care of. I have to admit that the rest of the day really was amazing. 

The week had started that way. 3 days prior a student wanted to give me a 'Christmas Card' and suddenly I was the owner of a baby tree. Complete with lights, decorations, and cranberry garland. What she didn't know is that the tree was just what I needed to brighten my home. I don't normally decorate for Christmas... it just isn't something I usually do. But this year I was seriously searching for something to brighten my season.


What I can tell you is that I have an amazing family and friends. I am blessed to be in a profession that means that I learn just as much if not more than I teach. I can also tell you that I am so grateful for everyone and everything I have. After all that it seems like the exclamation point is guaranteed. 




Then there is this other side of the holiday season. The part where everything reminds me of my mom. I haven't really written anything about her and don't really want to start... but I will say this. This time of year reminds me of how no matter what the current situation I was guaranteed time with her. It was a time when my brother and I came together with the hopes that we could end the year right. It also meant a time where I would continually hope things would get better. 'It's a Wonderful Life' was on TV last night and I got immediate images of her, Paul McCartney plays on SNL and I think of her, and I begin to think that I am never going to have a Christmas with her again and I am wrecked...because there is no wishing for things to get better. 


I think this year I will get through the holidays trying to focus on the good things life has to offer.  


with faith, 


Karen

Keep your head up....

I haven't written in in a long time... and this doesn't truly count. But it is a good message... especially for me.

http://www.vevo.com/video-evolved/andy-grammer/keep-your-head

28 down.

It has been exactly 6 months since the last time I blogged. January 7, 2010 was a day for me to reflect on the year that had passed. I reflected on all that had made it great, the things that did not and made the grand promises of blogging constantly, staying positive, and being happy. Well like most resolutions that happen either in a new year or other reasons, those really didn't pan out. I was happy, when I didn't let the little shit get me down. I was positive when I didn't let the little shit get me down. Oh, and I just didn't blog. I sat down to write blogs and I even have 10 or so really good starts...but alas, no blog. 


This morning I woke up and I finally thought I might have something that I could finish. I might be in a place to hold the promises I make true to myself in this all to embarrassing online diatribe I have started. I was wrong. I sat down, giggled a little at the thought and then went on as if the blog was going to be something that I thought I would do but it didn't work. Maybe one of the biggest reasons that my blogs never leave the editing stage lately is that they are either too personal and I don't want to put that out in cyber world or (and probably more likely) they don't seem good enough. I am never happy enough with my writing, so like so many other things in my life I gave up the writing in order not to be disappointed. 


It has been exactly 6 months. Some things have changed, others have stayed the same. Listing them won't make them better or different...but I think I have learned a lot in the last 6 months. I have learned that some people are snakes, some people are good friends, some people can be cruel, some people are amazing. I have learned that my job gives me opportunities some only dream possible and that it is a huge blessing to work with and teach the people I teach...but that going home frustrated some days is just something I will have to accept- nothing is perfect. I have learned that for as mature as I think I am sometimes I have a lot of growing up to do. I have learned that even though some people are physically still here you might have already lost them. I have learned that there are times when it is right to stand on your own to feet and other times that there is nothing wrong with sticking beside your friends and family. 
Most important, I have learned that I am who I am. I must stop apologizing. I am awkward and emotional and sensitive. I am smart and funny and have a slight case of OCD. I don't have everything figured out even though I pretend I do, i don't always know what I am doing even though I pretend I do, I am not always right even though I wish I was. But, my true friends and family know all of this and love me anyway. Maybe that is the biggest lesson of all- true friends and true family don't care what you know, who you know, what you look like, what you have- they just want you to be you. 


It has been 6 months since I last wrote. I might finally be ready to grow up, because I can't keep waiting for someone to do it for me. Because on this day, 6 months later, I am turning 28. I might not have all I want- but I have enough. I will keep trying to figure out the rest. I will screw up- there is no doubt about that. I won't always say the right thing, I won't always do the right thing- but I will try and I have realized that will have to be enough. 


I guess my one birthday wish would be that all of those who look past all of my crazed idiosyncrasies, crazy emotional days, sometimes forgetful nature wrapped in an obsessive compulsive bow and just support me. Who knows why you do it. I am sure it is exhausting at times....but it isn't unappreciated or unnoticed. 


Recently I was reading a book (if you have read it this will sound familiar) in the hopes to find some inspiration I have been lacking. In this book the author writes a letter to God asking for his/her help dealing with a current conflict. Her friend that she let read the letter says, "I would sign that". In the hopes to inspire her friend they continue to name the people that would support her and sign her letter as if it were a petition. it was an act to give her permission to have hope and faith and remind herself that even in the darkest times there are people behind you. I loved this idea....except I wanted to add my new twist. Instead of writing God (especially because I don't know where I am with that and not sure I have the right to write to something I am not fully invested in). Instead I will write this: 


Dear World:


I am Karen. I am a constant work in progress. I love and hate, rejoice and scream. I am awkward and comfortable, still trying to figure out exactly who I am. I can be dramatic and sensitive but I am loyal and supportive. I make jokes at inappropriate times and cry for no reason at all. I lack confidence, but for the first time am not scared to say I was Teacher of the Year. I work too much, and too hard sometimes and then other times I procrastinate and I am lazy. I make promises I can't keep, I keep promises I probably shouldn't. I try, really hard to be a good person, and sometimes I fail. I talk loud, laugh hard, and love to say 'that's what she said'. I alphabetize, color coordinate and can't keep my car clean. I am an educator, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a citizen, and a crazy person (just ask my students). Did I mention I have a one-eyed dog named Ralphy? I am who I am. 


Would you sign? 




28 down, many more to go. 


Karen

Responsibility...

Over the last week I have met many situations that deal with responsibility. Who truly holds responsibility for our actions? Recently, someone told me in regards to someone blaming someone else for their problems...how amazing it must be if to have so much control over someone that you make them do destructive things. More than that, how much power can someone have over another person to continue to do destructive things? 

Not to say that I am perfect, because there have been times in my life that I have blamed something I didn't like about my life on someone else. BUT, I have never let it go for more than a short time until I have to take things into my own hands. I will say that there are a couple people in my life that I continually give emotional control over me that I don't want to give them and I struggle everyday to take back. In the end, I do try and be the one who takes responsibility for all the consequences both good and bad in my life. When a bill isn't paid, I didn't pay it; when the house isn't clean, I didn't clean it; when I have done something good or bad- I know that I did it. 

I want my students to know the same thing. That their grades, their life, their destination is completely in their hands. They can spend a lifetime blaming people for their life and making excuses about their circumstances, but it will never get them anywhere but where they are - plus some additional bitter resentment. 

Also, when you do make that "error in judgment", and life hands you the bad consequences that you deep down knew were coming - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Don't blame it on others and make good people (or even bad as the case may be) bear the burden. Apologize, go through the steps to rectify what you have done, and most importantly learn from it. Never blame others because you did something you know was wrong, you know you aren't proud of, and that you regret because of the consequences you currently face. 

Responsibility is key to realizing that your own happiness lies within your reach- go take it. 

Faith and Hope, 

Karen

Goodbye 2009, I am going to start to take my own advice.

What a year this has been. In some ways I could say I learned a lot about myself, and in others I would say that I have never felt so lost. It is a weird feeling of limbo. Things have changed, things have stayed the same-things have become more difficult, things have become easier...One thing is still for certain: every time I think that I have things figured out or that I got what I wanted - I don't and didn't. I always tell others to be positive, to be happy you are here, I think I need to remember that myself. 

As I sat here in all that  negative energy I read a post about how when we reflect we tend to be negative, dwell on the many things that were terrible or that were not accomplished. It also said that there were ten questions we could ask ourselves to see things differently. Here they are:

Here are 10 questions to ask yourself that will radically change your view on this past year.

1) Whom did I meet this year who is now in my life?   I guess there were people that I knew before...I can't think of anyone I 'met'...but I can say that there are people that have become a solid foundation of my everyday life. People that I barely knew before who seem to know me better than anyone, people that I lost contact with who are now my best friends, people who seem to have become my family (and possibly a better family than I deserve.

2) What emotion really caused me to grow? Courage? Faith? I have definitely grown from anger and regret. Anger has caused me to see things more clearly, to be realistic and rational- and still up for myself. I have finally learned that creating a boundary is okay and that taking care of me is important. i have also realized that i need to have a little more faith in myself and in turn faith in the world around me. I would like to be more courageous...I will keep trying from that.
3) What emotion was I unafraid to feel? Fear? Sadness? Fear- I feared of losing people, losing myself, losing things I didn't even have. Fear that I let things pass me by or I couldn't change things or make them better or different. I have also grown from the support of people who seem to believe in me (even when I don't deserve it).
4) What am I most proud of? My students: who are the most amazing people ever. They always keep me guessing, but they are intelligent, humorous, exciting, sincere, supportive, generous, and spirited. I am proud that I might have anything to do with their success. I am proud of my friends, because they are amazing people. I am also proud of my brother and sister in law who have the greatest little family and the most beautiful son. Most of all...my sister, who has found her place and continues to excel.
5) In what area of my life did I really make some progress? Survival: I finally put up boundaries and I took control of things that I had lost control of long ago.

6) What did I do that completely surprised me and was unexpected to me? The little moments that take my breath away. There was also a moment when one of my students thanked me at her senior night. That moment, where she believed I drove her to be better, maybe me see that I might have an impact in some small way.
7) Whom did I really help? I hope someone...
8) What is the biggest lesson I really faced? You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need and that true friendship is measured in times of adversity.
9) What am I most grateful for? friends, family, my job and hope.
10) What were the most fun times I had? I think I should show them in pictures...see below:

If you are reading this and looking through the pictures...it probably means you are my friend or part of my family, or even both. Thanks for all the good times and for being such an amazing group of people to walk through this world with. Here is to a new year. 

Karen

Starting the year off right with some dancing...

Jill's birthday @ Fire and Ice 

Super Bowl 

The band plays @ The Taildragger

Nerd Day!

Bighorns Game 

Visiting Vegas...Friends since we were 2...

Yeah! Jay got his Master's!

Spring Break Road Trip to Monterey!

My beautiful girls @ Prom. 

4th of July @ the cabin...

My nephew is amazing...and so are his parents. 

My amazing 27th birthday. 

Another year done with some of the most amazing people. 

CADA CAMP

CAMPING 

A successful outdoor rally...

My nephew turns 1!

KEONE!!! 

New friends...

Some of my greatest friends...roomies forever!

Stanford with cross country.  

Doop a lo0p and I!

HALLOWEEN!

   

Do you see my Dwight Schrute pumpkin...

Fun times @ the JT! Katie Carr is a wonderful addition to Gardnerville!

with a nephew like this...and friends and family like above. It is hard not to look back and feel blessed.